Sheets. Man, what a weird thing this word made me think, at first! You’d think that the first idea that would’ve come to mind is bed sheets…but no, my weird brain has to come up with sheets of New York City summer rain. I never thought that when I moved to New York City I’d be sent running for the nearest building because of the torrent of water coming from the sky pretty often! When I say torrent, I mean heavy, drenching to the bone, heavy, flood-like rain…quite often. I will say this: there was one time when I was inspired by people who were effected by…your guessed it: the rain. I went to see Troilus and Cressida at Shakespeare in the Park, and the actors continued on in the pouring rain as if nothing had happened. They had to be drenched down to their shoes, but you’d never know it by their acting. I was crazy inspired!
Camouflage…camouflage…what to say about that? I mean…that’s quite a…militaristic word…right? At least that’s what it brings to mind for me. I guess that’s the stereotypical way of thinking about it. I guess that camouflage can really bring up several different things. For instance, right now I’m watching a certain…reality show…on Netflix; you know, the ones about the kinds of peoples’ lives that you will probably never live; where expensive cars are simply a given in everyday life, where designer clothes are bought at the snap of finger: that kind of show. It’s fun to watch because the thought of being so carefree about money is nice and some of the people are cool, but at the same time I find myself remembering that there is a lot of camouflaging going on. I’ve worked a bit of reality tv before as an actress, and the truth is that there’s a lot about reality tv that isn’t real. TV angles are decided beforehand sometimes, things are lightly decided upon before the cameras start rolling, etc. It’s true, that some of the things that happen are reality, but in truth there’s a lot of camouflage that goes on in order to give the audience a certain perception of reality. It’s the “pretty” reality. Camouflage can be used in the literal sense, like in the military, but it can also be used in plain sight to hide the truth. Camouflage is an illusion. In other words, camouflage can be used in broad daylight. People camouflage themselves all of the time. They pretend to be something or someone that they are not, whether it’s good or bad. I don’t mean all people, but some. The reason I’ve brought this up is because reality tv provides a sense of camouflage for reality. You think that what you’re watching is real…but is it? When you’re watching reality tv shows it’s interesting to see the confessionals compared to what’s said in the group settings. Sometimes people are caught saying one thing to your face and another when they’re “alone” in the confessional…they do a great job pretending…it’s camouflage in broad daylight…
Balance is a tough one for me. Is it for you? I tend to be very enthusiastic about several subjects in life, overly so, but not about others. For instance, my life is based on musical theatre/acting success. Since I was eight years old I have dreamed of living in NYC and being on Broadway, but pretty much nothing else. I have a hard time feeling like if I let up on that sole focus even a little bit that I’ll make it there. I see other artists able to let other forms of creativity into their lives, and even to feel passionate about them, and then be on Broadway as well. I strive to be like that, nowadays, to allow myself the chance to try and indulge in other things in order to live a more full life…but that is really hard. I have many interests (photography is kind of cool, I love Spanish, I like drawing, etc.), but if I could have my dream of being on Broadway that would be the one thing that I actually really want and have made life decisions based on that; well, that and my current personal relationship with the most awesome guy in the world. So…it’s hard to learn that stepping back on my passions and trying to allow myself to do things that I see as less advancing of my ambitions are equally as valuable. You see the conundrum? Balance, for me, is a learned activity. I’m learning that balance is necessary because if you put all of your eggs in one basket, what happens when that basket breaks?: it falls apart…and that’s destructive. So….I try to teach myself to allow myself to feel passion about other things, too, while still finding ways to work on my preferred art. That also becomes difficult when work/life balance gets in the way. As artists, our survival jobs often times do not pay nearly enough to cover the costs of life as an artist, lessons, etc. So, I’m learning to try and balance that as well. I’m a very hard worker in all areas, so giving myself a break and giving myself balance is something I work on every day. 🙂 Honestly, I don’t feel that I’ve ever allowed myself to be so open while writing a post for the internet, so please excuse the very personal nature of this post if you’d prefer it, but the word balance struck an unexpected “note” (see what I did there?) with me. I hope you find balance in your lives comes more naturally for you than it does for me, and that some day we all feel equally balanced. 🙂 Happy writing/reading!
I’ve found that ambition has a price, so I’m trying to revel in the beauty of the moment while working to make my dreams happen. 🙂